A tough pill to swallow

A woman's place is in the home.

Wives are to be submissive to their husbands.

A woman should dress modestly.

Women are to be silent.

Women are not to exercise authority over a man.

What kind of feelings do these statement arouse in you? If you're anything like me, hearing those words causes me to feel anger and a sense of injustice. And rightly so.. considering these words have been uttered by so many bigoted men, with the primary goal being to manipulate women into giving in to the man's selfish desires. 

Before I continue in this post, I have to inform you that I am a Christian woman. This is a big part of my life. Actually, let me rephrase that. This is the most important part of my life. I really desire for God to be the center of all things in me; after all, that is what makes him God. As a Christian woman who has been taken advantage of by other people in my life, I wrestle with the tension of wanting to submit to God's authority and having a sense of distrust and fear of manipulation.

Due to these fears, and other things inside myself, it is naturally difficult to read certain passages in scripture about women. Let's go over a few:

Titus 2:3-5 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

1 Peter 3:1 "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives."

1 Corinthians 11:3 "But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God."

Colossians 3:18 "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."

Ephesians 5:22-24 "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything."

What is this? 1954? No one actually expects women to be submissive to their husbands anymore. 

I have been mostly coping with these bible verses by applying the general excuse that they should be taken in their cultural context. Obviously, women are not treated as property anymore as they once were regarded... therefore these verses do not apply. After all, it's almost 2014, and we have come such a long way in women's rights--and we are not lesser than men. We are equal. We were created equal and we should be treated as equals. 

But if we're really living our lives according to scripture, we have to be careful what we assume applies or doesn't apply. 

Something happened to me today that turned my perspective around slightly. And I do believe it was a divine revelation from the Lord. Now, don't let those words scare you. I didn't hear God's voice in a burning bush, or coming out of the sky as the clouds separated and His bright light descended on me. --(even though, for some people, those things happen). I heard it in the quiet of my own living room, in an interaction between me and the Lord, as I cracked open my Bible to read His word-- not totally sure where to start, but just wanting to listen to what He had to say to me on this day. 

As a woman who doesn't put up with much crap, who is proud of her own accomplishments, and who believes that she can take care of herself.... God told me that He wants me to be a woman of biblical submission. My reaction was a little something like this:

Let me tell you how the conversation went. 

Me: God, it's been a little while since we've talked. I really think I should open up your pages and see what you want to share with me today. 

I opened up my Bible to 1 Timothy. I quickly read through the first chapter, nodding with approval of most of what Paul was writing to Timothy. I underlined and highlighted 1 Timothy 1:15-16, where Paul humbly admits that he is the worst of sinners... that he was shown mercy so that the power of Christ would be displayed in all of its glory. As I read, I said, "Yes, Lord. This is soooo true. Your power is so big, you could save the worst of sinners.--and if the guy who wrote over half of the new testament considers himself the worst of sinners, what does that make me? I like this Paul guy, he is so humble. He's definitely on to something here..." 

And then I came to 1 Timothy 2:9-10...

"I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."

Me: God, obviously this is not relevant anymore. There is nothing wrong with braiding your hair or wearing pearls. I'll just glaze over this part.

Then God's word hit me like a ton of bricks in 1 Timothy 2:11-15...

"A woman should learn quietness and full submission. I do not permit women to teach or to have authority over a man; SHE MUST BE SILENT. For Adam was not the one who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety."

Me: 

Yeah, God. I don't think so. There's no way I will ever be in "full submission," or "silent," and HOW DARE PAUL ASSERT THAT HE HAS THE RIGHT TO PERMIT WOMEN TO TEACH OR NOT TEACH!!! How dare he say that it's our fault for the fall! How dare he say that we will be saved through.... CHILDBEARING as if that is all we're good for. That no-good-woman-hating..... humble, God-fearing... man. 

Father God: I can see that this passage really pushes your buttons, daughter. 

Me: God, you said we were all one in Christ! (actually, Paul said that). Galatians 3:26... you know, there is no jew or greek, no slave or free, no male or female, we're all one. So what on earth? How can you contradict yourself here? 

Father God: Do you really think I contradict myself?

Me: ... I don't know. Maybe.

Father God: Look into it some more. I have so much I want to show you.

Me: Okay God. Let me google this passage.

And I came across this article: https://bible.org/book/export/html/21884

You don't have to read that if you don't want to. I know this blog is getting long, but it's there if you have the time. Here are the parts that jumped off the page for me:

First when talking about how women dress--the specifics about braiding hair and wearing pearls/jewelry was a cultural thing. But the heart of the matter is still relevant to today. "Modestly," in the original language means "free from shame," and in that time, many of the women who dressed to draw attention to themselves were prostitutes. Those articles of clothing and adornments carried with them a sensual message. Paul is telling women that we need to dress ourselves in good deeds because we are to be set apart from the rest of the world. 

And I can agree with that. I don't see any issue with wearing makeup or jewelry. But if our primary motivation for those things is to attract the attention of men, or to make other women feel inferior to us, these behaviors point to something deep in our soul that feels the need for acceptance. But we don't need the acceptance from other people, because God totally accepts us for who we are on the inside. Being modest does not mean we're to be unattractive... it just means that we don't feel the need to draw attention to ourselves to satisfy a deeper need that only God can satisfy. 

Second, quietness does not equate to silence. It is an inner peace. 

Third, Paul is not putting the blame on women for the fall of man. According to the article I came across, "Paul isn’t implying that Adam was less guilty than Eve, nor is he putting all the blame on Eve. Both were culpable (Rom. 5:12). Nor is Paul implying that women are constitutionally more prone to deception than men. The Bible is clear that we all are easily deceived by sin and false doctrine. What Paul is getting at is that in the fall, the God-ordained roles were reversed. Satan didn’t approach Adam, but rather Eve, so that he could upset the reflection of God’s image in the original couple by enticing the woman to act independently of her husband’s and God’s authority. She didn’t need to remain under her husband or God; she could attain god-like existence by acting on her own. So Paul is saying here that this role reversal that brought such awful consequences on the human race should not be repeated in the church."

Me: Okay, God... so is this man who wrote this article doing a really good job of deceiving me? 

Father God: What are you afraid of?

Me: God, I don't want to trust my husband to be in control. He's gonna mess up! If I give him control, he could abuse me... he could make mistakes.. I know what's best, and I have to help him. He's not ready to be the spiritual leader in our home. Obviously, I have a closer relationship with you God. Look at me. I read my bible... I sing your praises... I volunteer my time... I was the one who talked my husband into giving more at church... I have it together... I should be the leader.

Father God: ...

Me: Uhh... well.. God... what I meant was... I'll trust him to lead... I'll submit to him... when he shows me he's worthy of that submission.

Father God: ... 1 Peter 3:1 "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives."

Me: C'mon God. My husband is saved.. he's just not as spiritually mature as I am.

Father God: James 4:10 "Humble yourself before the Lord, and He will lift you up."

Me: Yeah, God. I see the problem here. It's my pride.

Father God: Let me help you with that. As a married couple, you and your husband reflect my relationship with Jesus and the Spirit. We are submitting to one another. We love each other and want what is best for each other. 

Me: Yes, of course. So what you're saying is, if my husband is submitting to me, then I can trust him and submit to him...

Father God: Not quite. Look at the relationship I had with Jesus.

Me: Okay.

Father God: What do you think of that relationship?

Me: It was probably the most loving relationship in all of history. 

Father God: Jesus and I are equal. Jesus was fully God and fully man. He was equal to me, yet he voluntarily submitted to my will. I was first in command... and I knew what was best for Him and the whole world. I knew what was going to bring the most peace and love into the world... even though it was soooo hard for Him to accept the sacrifice of giving Himself up on the cross. He trusted that I knew what I was doing. 

Me: Yeah, but didn't Jesus know how it would end?

Father God: Yes. I'm God the Father, and this is different than your husband. People make mistakes in this world. But you know how the story ends. Do you trust me?

Me: Yes, Lord! But I don't know if I trust him!

Father God: But you trust me?

Me: ... yes... I trust you.

Father God: He can do it. He can lead you. He loves you. He has your best interest at heart. You're going to have to forgive him sometimes. But I have a plan for you both. He is doing his best to follow me. Let him have the reigns and see where this thing goes.

Me: Okay, God. You're gonna have to help me with this... I'm gonna make some mistakes along the way.

Father God: Don't worry, Daughter. I hold your life in my hands... and I only want what is best for you and your husband. I love you.

And so began my journey to become a biblically submissive wife. 

I'm sure there will be some naysayers and feminists in an uproar... I would have been one of them a few weeks ago. But, I have to follow where I feel God is leading me. And He has never led me astray.