Appreciating his gift to me

As you may have gathered from my previous post, having a baby join our duo has caused a lot of conflict in my marriage. Even after recognizing the truth that the enemy is out to destroy my marriage and that God has put my husband and I together for His purpose... I still fall short of appreciating the gift of my husband. I also tend to forget how much my husband has given me. This happens usually when I become angry with him for some reason or another... and I focus on the negative qualities rather than remembering the good.

Just a few days ago, my husband and I were having one of those conflicts... it was a conflict so grave (in my mind) that I was considering leaving my marriage. The man that God has placed in my life asked me, "How would your life be different if I weren't in it?" Of course, I was thinking about the things that I was upset with my husband about, and I thought that if he weren't in my life, I wouldn't have to deal with all of that nonsense. And then the following words came out of my mouth... "The only difference if you weren't in my life is that I wouldn't have financial stability."

First of all, that is not true. But let's say in my negative thinking, in which I believed that to be the case, it were true. Financial stability is a big deal. I'm not saying that if I weren't with my husband, I couldn't find a way to financially support myself and my son--- as a matter of fact, I know I could. But how would my life be different if that were the case?

Well, the most important thing to consider is that I wouldn't get to stay home with my baby--- and I absolutely love staying home with my baby. Now, don't get me wrong... it's a challenging job. But I love it so much. I want to say... I have GREAT RESPECT for single/working mothers. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to do this job on my own. And for the working women who choose to work... I admire their sacrifice and that they are teaching their children the value of having a career and (especially if they have daughters) the importance of being able to contribute to society outside of the home as well. But the fact that I'm not forced into single parenthood against my will is such a blessing. And I get to choose when I want to work (and I have every intention of looking for a job in social work when (if we have more than one) my children are out of their first year) I love not having to give my baby to a stranger during the day who gets the thrill of watching him grow (if they would even notice). I love that I'm not missing out on any of his milestones... I love that he will feel loved by me every second of every day.

I want to be with my baby during the day. It is one of the deepest desires of my heart. And because my husband has made sacrifices prior to our parenthood... and continues to follow through with his working commitments... he has given me the biggest gift of all. How could I be so ignorant? I wasn't even thinking about it. I was taking this wonderful gift for granted. Somewhere deep inside of my sinful heart... I thought I deserved this luxury. But God corrected my thinking... because the only thing  I deserve is death. Praise God that Jesus paved a way and grants us who call on His name what we don't deserve-- life to the fullest!

It took me a day to reflect on this. I decided I needed to let my husband know how much I appreciate his gift to me. With tears running down my cheeks, I apologized to him for taking him for granted, and I let him know how much his hard work means to me. We will fail each other at times, but who are we to hold forgiveness from one another when Christ forgives us freely? It was truly a freeing experience to forgive my husband for what I considered wrongdoing, and to appreciate the goodness of God by providing me a spouse who loves me as much as he does. And to appreciate the love my husband  has for me and my son... that he is a provider to us. And remembering that being a provider is not any easier than being a stay at home mom. For some reason... I think that's what I was believing.

Shortly after our conversation and reconciliation, my husband left the room while I was playing with our son in the living room. All of the sudden, I hear my husband burst out in laughter from down the hall. I was utterly confused. He walks toward me, huge grin on his face, and says, "Guess what I found?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

He holds up my wedding band.

The wedding band that had been missing for two weeks. I started laughing and crying as I took my wedding ring back and slipped it on my finger. So strange how we both lost our wedding bands since having our child at the beginning of the year... and when we had moments of reconciliation we found them. The most ironic thing was my husband had been telling me, "I think we'll find your ring when you decide for certain that you want to stay married to me."

And that's exactly when we found it. God has such an interesting sense of humor.

I couldn't make this stuff up!