It's been quite a while since my last post. I have a confession to make.
I have not been posting because I haven't had much time to put together a nice piece... but also because I have not been wanting to talk about being a submissive wife. Lately, I just haven't felt like it. I've been going through a season of darkness... I haven't been keeping up with my relationship with the Lord and I sure haven't been interested in watering my marriage and giving it the attention it needs.
It's been very rocky these past couple months... I continue to threaten my husband with the "D" word. I criticize him. I invoke guilt upon him. And yesterday... it hit me that he's scared. He's terrified that our marriage is going to fail. He feels like he is walking on eggshells. He feels like he can't make a mistake or else I am going to leave him and take our son from him.
What have I done?
I have not been well the past couple of days. Our son came down with a cold, but he's been doing better since yesterday. I have been miserable since yesterday. I called my husband after work and requested that he stop at Bread Co and bring me home some chicken soup because I thought it might help me feel better. He obliged.
However, he was unable to get to the restaurant due to a mistake on his part of missing a turn and ending up back on the highway toward our house. He called me to apologize. As he was explaining the situation, I had to interrupt the conversation because the baby was crying and I had to get off the phone.
When my husband arrived home, he had a look of sadness on his face. I could see the fear and the guilt in his eyes. "I'm so sorry... I wasn't able to get you the soup..." I stopped him right there.
"It's okay, I understand. I've had similar situations happen to me."
I could see the relief come over him. I said, "I'm so sorry that you are so scared. I'm sorry that you feel like you can't make a mistake."
Lord,
Please help me to encourage my husband and to water him to be the man you have created him to be. Please drive out the fear that is in our marriage... which is there primarily because of me. Help me to love my husband the way you love him... to accept him fully for who he is now. I love him... Help me to turn from the sin of condemning him and threatening him. Help me to be more of a Proverbs 31 wife.
Amen.
"There is no fear in love... but perfect love casts out fear." 1 John 4:18
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths...but only what is helpful for building others up so that it may benefit those who listen." Eph. 4:29
